


Headspace.

by demonsonthemoon



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Gen, post-drift problems, scientists unable to process their emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-07-19
Packaged: 2018-07-25 10:26:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7529158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonsonthemoon/pseuds/demonsonthemoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Hermann Gottlieb stared at his colleague for a moment. His colleague, who had started an argument – like he always did – but then... had asked to stop ? Something was wrong."</p>
<p>In which Hermann and Newt have to learn to deal with their post-drift state and with each other's presence in their lives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Headspace.

**Author's Note:**

> Based on an anonymous prompt I received on tumblr: "Herman/Newton making space for you in my head"

« Hey, Hermann, can we just... not ? Not today ? »

Hermann Gottlieb stared at his colleague for a moment. His colleague, who had started an argument – like he always did – but then... had asked to stop ? Something was wrong.

Hermann narrowed his eyes, looking Newt over. He didn't appear particularly tired. Not by Newton-standards, at least.

It had already been two weeks since the closure of the Breach, and while both scientists had taken a short holiday to visit their remaining families now that the world wasn't ending anymore, they were back now. They were back, but something was wrong.

« Are you okay ? » Hermann asked, genuinely concerned.

Newton laughed. « Me ? Yeah. Sure. Totally fine. »

« What's going on ? »

« Nothing ! I'm _fine_. »

Hermann raised his eyebrows, clearly showing how unimpressed he was. Newton sighed, looking away.

« I just... Don't wanna fight, okay ? And I don't wanna talk about it. You know how you keep nagging me about needing silence to be able to work ? Well, today's your lucky day. »

He stopped talking. Just plainly stopped talking and turned back towards his work again, the new samples harvested from Otachi and Leatherback capturing his attention.

Hermann was at a loss. And uncomfortable.

During his week of vacation, he had quickly realised that he had become used to Newton's incessant chatter. No, more than used. He had become _reliant_ on it. The plane trip to Germany had been absolute hell, it being a night flight and thus much too silent. At least, once he had landed, his whole family had been there, his three siblings also making the trip to visit their parents so that they could all be together. Having movement and voices around him helped, and honestly he might not have been able to face his father if his siblings hadn't been there.

But in the end, he had realised that he had been looking forward to getting back to work with Newton, because somehow the man's presence calmed him.

Except that with him completely silent, his presence was barely felt at all.

Hermann tried to ignore it. He really did. But after an hour or so, all he had managed was to fidget with a pen enough to drop it three times.

« Stop it. » Hermann jumped. Newton's voice was sharp and cutting. Looking up, Hermann immediately crossed gaze with his colleague from the other side of the room. He looked frustrated, and though he tried to appear cold, Hermann noticed an edge of anxiety in the way he was holding himself.

« I'm trying, » Hermann replied. But I can't focus if I can't hear you. »

Newton let out a small whine at that, his cold expression immediately melting away. « Don't say thing like that. It's not funny. »

« I'm not making fun of you ! » Hermann responded, voice getting louder. « Do you think it doesn't piss me off not to be able to concentrate on what I'm doing ? »

« I can't do this, » Newton started as he crossed the room to where Hermann was still standing from picking up his pen. « I can't just take it and say nothing and not explode. » He pushed a finger against Hermann's chest. « You are driving me insane. And yeah, to be fair, it's definitely a little bit my own fault, because I am awesome and saved the world through human-kaiju drift technology. And because I am at fault, I was going to deal with the consequences on my own, _like a champ_. Except that apparently you've decided you won't _let me_ , so- »

« What are you talking about ? »

Hermann was utterly confused. His colleague rolled his eyes, then gestured at his temple.

« I have you in my brain. I literally have your memories, your emotions, your whole freaking _life_ in my _brain_. And it's crazy. And it's driving me crazy. I keep reaching for a cane that I don't use, I want to put on my reading glasses before I realise I already have glasses on my freaking face, I have all those habits, all those _thoughts_ stored in there and it's just... It's too much, you know ? »

Hermann didn't know. Not like that. Not enough. He, too, had access to Newt's memories, and sometimes they would come forward without his assent, startling him. But except for in the immediate aftermath of their drift, he had never had problems identifying what came from him and what came from Newton (or, in some of his nightmares, from the kaijus.)

« Do you think your first drift made you more receptive and that's why you're experiencing more Ghost Drift ? » Hermann asked. It wasn't comfort. It wasn't anything _emotional_. He didn't know how to help Newt like that. But it was science. It was a distraction. It was something.

« Yeah, probably. The first drift must have lowered my excitability threshold, which means the second drift hit me more intensely. It might also have something to do with my brain resisting the kaiju influence, but that's totally not my domain so I can't be sure. »

Hermann noted the use of the term « influence », but didn't comment on it. Now was not the time.

« What can I do ? »

Newton glared at him. « I don't know ! I... I don't know if I want to stay next to you or run the fuck away, because you being there is a habit, it's safe, it's me-before-the-drift, but it's also like standing in a room with too much echo, because there's the you here and the you in my head, and they're mostly the same but not exactly. But then if I run away there's the risk that I won't be me-before-the-drift, I'll be me-who-sometimes-thinks-like-you, until I'm not me at all. And I don't know what to do. »

Hermann knew what _he_ wanted. What he _needed_. He needed Newt to fill the quiet in his head, to be the presence that stopped him from going after the memories of the kaiju.

But he couldn't ask that of Newton. Not if it hurt him.

« Newton- »

Hermann was interrupted before he could say anything more.

« It's like my head is too full, you know ? I've got to clear things out. I've got to make space in my head for you. Actual-you. You-you. Not you-from-the-drift. I don't want to shut you out, but it's too much, it's too- »

« Stop. »

It was Hermann's turn to interrupt, and he placed a hand on Newt's cheek as he did. The other man's eyes opened wide at the touch, and Hermann was about to pull back when Newt leaned into it.

« Stop it, » he continued softly. « The world isn't ending anymore. We've got time. We'll figure this out. If you need space, you'll have space. If you need me here, I'll be here. You don't have to choose. You don't have to choose anything right now. »

Newt started to calm down, breaths coming out less quickly than before. His head was still tilted towards Hermann, who kept his fingers on the other man's cheek.

It was a strange gesture, especially considering that he had never been fond of physical contact, but it felt grounding. This single point of contact was both a physical proof that they were separate and a link that united them into one unit.

Hermann detached his gaze from his own fingers and looked up into Newt's eyes.

« We'll figure this out. »

 


End file.
